Illusions Series #2 Shattered!
by Sharon Doyle
Summary: Tess' life is falling apart


Title: Shattered!  
  
By Sharon Doyle  
  
Genre: angst  
  
Rating: G  
  
Summary: Tess' life is falling apart.  
  
Authors Notes: Part two of my new series…Illusions. Part one was The Path We Choose. Once again my special thanks go to Penny.  
  
Started: 31 December 2001  
  
Finished: 26 January 2002  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
  
  
It's your fault lady copper…your fault…lady copper…your fault…your fault…your fault…Tess tossed and turned as the nightmare ravaged her sleep.  
  
It had been like this since the incident with Jason Collins nearly three weeks ago. Many a night Hayley had raced in after hearing Tess scream. After comforting Tess like a mother would a child they would fall asleep together. The morning would come and Tess would have little recollection of what had happened and Hayley didn't reveal any details preferring not to torture Tess anymore than she was torturing herself already.  
  
Tonight though Hayley wasn't there, hadn't been there for the last two nights. She had returned to be with her mother Tina. She hadn't wanted to leave Tess at all but especially now. Hayley loved Tess, a love that she didn't have to force, a love that wasn't because Tess was family. It was a love based simply on who they were and how they interacted with each other.  
  
Your fault lady copper…your fault…your fault…your fault. Tess awoke, her body bathed in sweat, the sheets crumpled around her. She looked over at the clock, knowing that whatever the time she would be awake for the rest of the night. It was 3 am another 3 hours until she was due to get ready for work. She'd gone to bed at midnight hoping that the later hour would mean she would sleep longer; obviously it didn't work like that. She knew that somehow she had to get some sleep, had to rid her mind of these nightmares.  
  
In her heart she knew that Collins' suicide wasn't her fault, but her subconscious obviously hadn't caught onto that fact yet. Tess rolled over, closing her eyes once again. Desperately she tried to sleep, telling herself over and over…sleep sleep sleep. Her efforts went unrewarded when her brain refused to rest preferring to keep her awake with racing thoughts, thoughts she had no control over.  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
"Morning sarg, how are you?" queried Ben.  
  
"I'm fine thanks," Tess replied although the darkness under her eyes revealed the brutality of sleep deprivation.  
  
"You don't look fine Tess," Jo added.  
  
"I'm fine, a bit tired but I'm ok."  
  
"A bit tired…you look like something the cat dragged in," Jo added.  
  
"I'm fine okay now just leave it," snapped Tess.  
  
"Well excuse me for caring," said Jo hands in the air in mock surrender.  
  
"Look I'm just getting a bit sick of you lot treating me like a china doll, I'm fine."  
  
"Yeah sure whatever you reckon," Jo bowed her head and returned to her work at the front counter.  
  
Tess banged the files she had been carrying under her arm down on her desk sending loose papers flying to the floor. One look at her desk would show anyone who knew her the turmoil and chaos her life was in. Normally in a precise order it was littered with files, papers and even a few dirty coffee cups.  
  
Jo raised her eyebrows at Ben before retrieving the papers from where they had landed near her feet.  
  
"I 'can' do that," snapped Tess.  
  
Jo returned to the front counter knowing it would be pointless arguing with Tess.  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
"Morning guys," called out Jonesy in a cheerful voice as he entered the station at the start of his shift.  
  
"You're late!" barked Tess.  
  
"Nah sarg, I'm not…" Jonesy looked at Jo who was shaking her head and making hand signals at him obviously trying to tell him something. His gaze returned to Tess and guessing at Jo's non verbal message he continued, "Yeah sarg, really sorry 'bout that. Can I get you a cuppa?"  
  
"Dump your gear and go and clean out the cells. After you're done we'll go and get some speeding motorists."  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
"Want to play eye spy sarg?" asked Jonesy.  
  
"I 'don't' think so," replied Tess. "You do realise we are officially on duty not at kindy."  
  
"Yeah sarg sorry. Just trying to stop boredom from setting in."  
  
"Well fill in the vehicle log book then. You're the observer and the observer…"  
  
"Always fills in the log book," finished Jonesy.  
  
Whilst he filled in the required entries Tess kept her eyes on the road. They had stopped at a quiet stretch of road bordering the national park. Only the occasional car would pass. It was exactly the kind of mundane task Tess needed. The kind of job that required little or no thought.  
  
  
  
In the distance a brown speck was approaching at a greater speed than legally allowed.  
  
"Oi," Tess nudged Jonesy.  
  
As the vehicle approached Jonesy stood on the side of the road signalling for the driver to pull over.  
  
Placing their hats on their heads the pair approached the vehicle.  
  
"Good afternoon Sir," started Tess. "Do you realise that you were travelling in excess of the speed limit in this area?"  
  
"Yeah," drawled the driver.  
  
"Your licence please sir."  
  
The driver reached over to open the vehicle glove box. A multitude of items fell to the floor of the car. Tess watched as the driver rummaged to find his licence. In the glove box a glint of metal caught her eye.  
  
"Step out of the car," Tess demanded.  
  
The driver stared at Tess, not moving.  
  
"I said step out of the car."  
  
The driver moved as if to open the door, instead grabbing the gun from the glove box.  
  
Tess didn't move.  
  
***Your fault lady copper…your fault lady copper…your fault…your fault…***  
  
The words tumbled through her mind.  
  
"Put the bloody gun down," yelled Jonesy. The driver being a complete amateur complied without hesitation.  
  
"Sarg?" questioned Jonesy.  
  
"It's not mine," stammered the driver. "Well it is, but I was just gonna do some shooting in the park, not gonna use it for anything else…honest."  
  
"Look Mr…" Jonesy looked at the licence. "Mr Graham, if you accompany us to the station we'll check on your firearm licence and clear this matter up. You're an idiot, don't ever pull a stunt like that again."  
  
"I won't I promise, I just got scared, that's all."  
  
Jonesy expected his sergeant to intervene and tell him he wasn't using correct police procedure but she didn't utter a word, just stood motionless. It was almost as if she wasn't even there.  
  
Jonesy guided Tess back to the passenger side of their vehicle.  
  
"I can drive," she said in almost a whisper.  
  
"Don't worry I'll do it," he opened the door for her and she sat down without further protest.  
  
This wasn't the Tess he was used to dealing with. She'd been distant since the Collins incident but he had expected her to be back to normality by this stage. Jonesy was actually surprised the boss hadn't insisted on some counselling for her. Maybe after this he would.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Jonesy sat silently watching Tess. The others had left for the day leaving just the two of them and the boss in the station. Tom, as normal, was ensconced in his office. Tess was staring intently at her computer screen but didn't seem to be doing anything.  
  
"Tess," Jonesy said quietly.  
  
"Yeah," she muttered without looking away from the screen.  
  
"You have to do something about this problem you have."  
  
"I don't have a problem Jones. What makes you think I have?"  
  
"Come on Tess, ever since the Collins suicide you've been here but not here, snappy with everyone. You're not concentrating on anything, you're edgy. And to top it all off look what happened out there today. If you don't get some help from someone you'll end up like that other guy."  
  
"What other guy?" Tess asked.  
  
"The one that I replaced," Jonesy said innocently unaware he was treading on thin ice. "You know that copper who lost the plot and turned feral on you lot. Wasn't he involved in some drug thing and a shooting too? See what happens when you don't deal with issues. Tess you don't want to lose your career too."  
  
"Shut the hell up!" Tess screamed. "How dare you presume to know anything about Jack. Who he was, how he was feeling. All you know is what you've been told or heard on the grapevine. Jack was a …"  
  
"What is going on out here? Tess why are you yelling?" Tom took one look at Tess and motioned for Jonesy to leave them alone. Her face was pale and tears coursed silently down her cheeks.  
  
"Tess, look at me," Tom gently lifted Tess' chin so their eyes could meet. "You're nothing like Jack okay. But you do need to deal with this otherwise it will eat you up. And he's right you know you 'will' loose your career."  
  
"Boss, I…"  
  
"Go home Tess. We'll sort this out in the morning."  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
The watch house was quiet as Tess opened the door. No music came from Hayley's room, no noise from the TV, and no beeps from the Nintendo game. Nothing. All trace of Hayley ever being there was gone except for a photo of the two of them on the coffee table.  
  
Tess flopped down on the sofa not bothering to change into civvies. Her whole life had fallen to pieces. Hayley was gone and now she was on the road to losing her career as well. She knew she needed help, the others all knew it as well. Tom would insist on counselling, she knew that and knew that she would take it. What choice did she really have?  
  
  
  
The telephone ringing interrupted Tess' musings, she glanced up to see that the answering machine was on and decided to let the machine get it. She really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone,  
  
She listened as her voice informed the caller to leave a message and she would return their call later.  
  
"Hey Tess it's me," Hayley's voice came through the machine. "I thought you would be home tonight…"  
  
Tess raced to the phone picking it up before Hayley finished her message.  
  
"Hayley, how are you?"  
  
"Okay Tess," Hayley answered.  
  
"Yeah, you sure, you sound a bit down."  
  
"It's mum Tess she's been drinking again. She's not here, gone to the pub I think. I want to come back to you Tess. I can't live with mum."  
  
"Hayley sweetheart, I want you here too. I'll come and get you but first I have to ring the foster people and clear it with them. If you really want to live with me then we're going to have to go through the correct procedures."  
  
"Thanks Tess."  
  
"Hey no worries, I'll see you soon."  
  
"Tess, I love you," Hayley said before putting the phone down.  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Hayley was coming back. Tess knew she would have a battle on her hands. Tina wasn't going to give Hayley up without a fight but then Hayley was old enough to make up her own mind who she wanted to live with.  
  
Knowing that Hayley was coming back to her was enough of an incentive for Tess to make some decisions. Decisions she knew would get her life back for her. Somehow she had to let go of the past. Not just the immediate past but everything. Her childhood, her affair with Jack, his betrayal, and the recent shooting. Hayley deserved to have a 'whole' person looking after her not just a shell.  
  
Decisions made Tess left the house to pick up Hayley.  
  
The future was in her own hands and she wasn't going to let anybody stand in her way. 


End file.
